


fix you

by jaeyongficfest, xuxicentric



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Flashbacks, M/M, non-established relationship, pining of some sort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-18 11:16:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21560296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaeyongficfest/pseuds/jaeyongficfest, https://archiveofourown.org/users/xuxicentric/pseuds/xuxicentric
Summary: Year 2017, Jaehyun attends the Coldplay concert in Seoul with Taeyong.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 10
Kudos: 186





	fix you

**Author's Note:**

> Hehehe this was sappy. I live for whipped!Jaehyun

The stadium, from a sea of darkness, lights all closed apart from the few flashlights from phones scattered in different parts of the venue, lights up in bright red from the props the organizers had prepared for a better experience of the show. With this sudden change in the atmosphere comes a beat all too familiar to Jaehyun, whose mind immediately tells him to hold the hand of the one on his right, but he hesitates. He doesn’t have the courage to do it. 

He shifts his head slightly on the right direction instead, eyes watching the person who had just clasped his hands together, anticipating the song they both know too well.

_ “When you try your best, but you don’t succeed _

_ When you get what you want but not what you need _

_ When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep _

_ Stuck in reverse” _

Lee Taeyong puts on a brave face every day. He’s rarely seen frowning, never really complains about anything, and tries to appreciate every single thing around him, big or small. He holds himself together for the group and he does it very well, if one would be asked. Everyone who has ever had an encounter with Taeyong would say he’s an amazing, kindhearted person who works really hard not only for himself, but for the rest of his members, for their fans. 

He sees to it that every point of a choreography is A-worthy, every beat of a song they are to perform won’t have any part it in that feels like there’s something missing, and every speech they’re to say in front of thousands and aired to millions represent their humility and thankfulness to all their supporters. He makes sure that the members, his second family, are well-fed, well-rested and checks on their health, both physically and mentally every time he gets the chance to. 

To them, Lee Taeyong is phenomenal. He’s the protagonist in a comedic novel who seemingly has his life put together, only experiencing little bumps here and there, but they’re never anything he can’t handle nor solve because at the end of the day, he’d still be sleeping with a smile gracing his lips and a heart that feels nothing but happiness and content.

But Jaehyun disagrees.

He remembers distinctly the night where Taeyong first broke down in front of him. 2:16 AM. Lights in their old dormitory all closed save for the kitchen light that’s always open if anyone ever wakes up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. The whole place quiet, only a few snores coming from different rooms heard. Jaehyun tiptoes to the kitchen, feeling a bit hungry because he skipped dinner for sleep. He wonders if there’s any more of that instant ramen in a cup in their pantry and if there’s an egg left that he can boil to enjoy his midnight meal more.

He never expected someone to be up at this hour, but there is his Taeyong hyung seated on the living room couch with a glass of milk on the coffee table, TV open with a random show on KBS but has it muted. Jaehyun thinks that like him, Taeyong had woken up because he was hungry. He knows his hyung has had a tough week, so sleeping would be an easy task for him, but maybe his insides aren’t letting him rest.

Jaehyun heads straight to the kitchen to boil water in the electric kettle before looking for the spare cup ramen. He’s disheartened when he doesn’t find any eggs inside the fridge, but takes out the tupperware full of kimchi instead to make up for the absence of the other. He opens the packets of flavoring and puts the contents inside the cup, throws the trash away, and walks to the living room to sit with his Taeyong hyung because he knows the water would need time to boil.

He plops down on the couch beside Taeyong, who seems a little too surprised that Jaehyun is awake. 

“You didn’t hear me messing around the kitchen?”

Taeyong shakes his head. “I was spacing out.”

Jaehyun puts an arm around Taeyong and pulls the other in sideways towards him. He places Taeyong’s head on his shoulder and caresses the latter’s upper arm with his hand comfortingly. Taeyong sighs into Jaehyun’s touch, secretly enjoying the fact that the younger is taking care of him.

“You were hungry, hyung?”

“Hm?”

“You woke up because you were hungry?”

“I couldn’t sleep.” Taeyong admits. “Kinda tried everything but I still can’t.”

Jaehyun’s hand travels up to Taeyong’s head, fingers now threading the other’s locks. “Aren’t you tired, hyung?”

Taeyong scoots closer, as if wanting to get more of Jaehyun’s touch. 

“I’m so tired, Jaehyunnie.”

Jaehyun then hears an unevenness in Taeyong’s breathing. He pulls away to check on him, only to find tears rolling down the other’s eyes uncontrollably.

“I just want to rest. Why can’t I rest? My body’s already giving up, but I still can’t rest.”

He pulls Taeyong back in towards him with the other’s face now finding itself nuzzled on Jaehyun’s neck. Jaehyun fixes his position so his hyung would be more comfortable; prompting Taeyong’s legs up across his thighs and encircles Taeyong’s arms around his shoulder for support while his own snakes around the older’s waist, thumb rubbing circles on Taeyong’s side.

Jaehyun feels his heart break every time he hears Taeyong sob, and for every time he feels that, he pulls Taeyong in closer as if it were any more possible just so Taeyong knows that someone is with him right now. That Jaehyun is here with him, ready for anything he might need or want. 

He forgets his meal; kimchi gone warm for being left out of the fridge for too long, water losing its heat because it hadn’t been used right away, and the cup of ramen abandoned on the kitchen counter. 

He spends the rest of his hours instead holding Taeyong close, careful not to wake him up because he’s afraid the other would have a hard time going back to sleep again.

Jaehyun figures out that very night what his number one weakness is, and it comes in the form of Lee Taeyong with tears pooling in his eyes, desperate, asking for help. From then on, he swears to himself he’d never let that happen again.

_ “When the tears come streaming down your face _

_ Cause you lose something you can’t replace _

_ When you love someone, but it goes it waste _

_ What could be worse?” _

Jaehyun thinks he’s always loved Taeyong. Even when he hadn’t realized it yet, he already did. Jaehyun thinks Taeyong is the first person he’s ever truly loved, with feelings all messed up most of the time, tongue-tied when he looks at Taeyong even at the most random moments, heart beating erratically when Taeyong even comes the slightest closer to him every day. 

He doesn’t know when exactly he started seeing Taeyong in a different light, but he knows when he realized it for the first time.

It was one of the rare nights their managers allowed them to go out without anyone chaperoning them. They had asked if they could eat out for a late dinner around the area and was already anticipating a resounding no, or a shake in the head. But when their manager had told them to head back soon, Jaehyun and Taeyong wasted no time and headed out on their own, not really bothering to ask the others if they wanted to come along. 

(Well, if Jaehyun was being honest, Taeyong wanted to ask Yuta and Johnny who were still up, but Jaehyun had already pulled him outside.)

They were sharing a huge plate of  _ Jjajjangmyeon  _ and  _ Tangsuyuk,  _ with Taeyong munching on the white kimchi heartily and Jaehyun just admiring his hyung enjoy their meal. 

“I missed this.” Taeyong says out of the blue.

Jaehyun looks at him, confused.

“I mean, we’d always head out together back when we were trainees after practice to eat. We haven’t done this in a long time, Jaehyunnie.”

It suddenly dawns on Jaehyun the reason why he always found himself waiting for Taeyong to finish practicing when he was already done himself, all ready to go home and rest.

He enjoyed trying out new restaurants with Taeyong. He cherished those little moments they had on the subway together, laughing, gossiping, talking about what went down on practice that day. He liked waving Taeyong goodbye when the latter had to alight the train a few stops ahead of him, telling him he’d see him tomorrow, or that he’d call Taeyong later when he gets home.

He never really understood why he made an effort to make sure he would spend time with Taeyong before. Jaehyun, then, thought it was because he was the brother he always wanted, considering he was an only child. But if it were that reason, then the constant want to hold Taeyong’s hand, or the moments he’d just stare at Taeyong’s lips while the other was talking never really made sense.

Until that night.

He looks at Taeyong who has a grin on his face, slurping the black bean noodles and pairing it off with the sweet and sour fried delicacy. He knows Taeyong is having a great time, thinking of nothing else but how delicious their food is. He wants Taeyong to feel like this everyday, he feels the sudden need to make sure Taeyong  _ is _ like this everyday. 

He realizes his personal mission of wanting to make sure Taeyong stays happy and healthy all the time is nothing short of what someone might want for his own brother. But what separates Jaehyun from the others is the fact that he wants to be the one who makes Taeyong happy. He wants to be the one who Taeyong drags out in the middle of the night to satisfy his cravings for absolutely anything. He wants to be the one who makes sure that Taeyong gets enough sleep, enough food, enough water every single day. He wants to be the one who wipes Taeyong’s tears away when things get too much, holding Taeyong close like that night.

He wants to be the only one. 

Jaehyun, with a string of hope, thinks he wasn’t the only one who felt that way between them. So subtly, he hints at the other, “Hyung, what do you think about dating?”

Taeyong chokes on his food, making Jaehyun fuss over him, pouring him a glass of water and about to rub the other’s back when Taeyong signals him he’s okay, drinking to hide the fact that he feels flustered over Jaehyun’s question.

“Dating?” He asks again, making sure he didn’t hear it wrong. “I haven’t really thought of it. Never really crossed my mind. Career first before that, Jaehyunnie.” 

Jaehyun felt disheartened, now knowing that Taeyong doesn’t feel the same way because he hasn’t even given it a single thought. He pauses momentarily, wondering if it will always be this way: him one-sidedly loving his Taeyong hyung while the other is unaware and perhaps never even having the slightest idea because the thought of dating anyone hasn’t even crossed his mind. 

Maybe, for a split second, Jaehyun thinks it wasn’t worth it anymore. But if one were to ask Jaehyun at present, he’d say that it was the first and the last time he ever thought that loving Taeyong would be a waste of time. 

_ “Let’s all sing now.”  _ Chris Martin prompts the crowd to sing-along to the famous chorus everybody in the stadium knows.

_ “Lights will guide you home _

_ And ignite your bones _

_ I will try to fix you.” _

Jaehyun sees Taeyong closes his eyes as he sings those three lines, a tear escaping down his cheek. He wants to wipe it away but holds himself back.

_ “We’re high up above or down below _

_ When you are too in love to let show _

_ But if you never try, you’ll never know _

_ Just what you’re worth” _

He tries to hide it, but Taeyong makes it hard for him. Back then, when Taeyong would whip up something simple for a snack, Jaehyun would always ask for more servings because he says he enjoys Taeyong’s cooking a lot, knowing that it would make his hyung happy that someone appreciates the food he makes for everyone else. 

Back then, Jaehyun would place a hand on Taeyong’s lower back as a habit; he likes to physically feel that Taeyong is there beside him even if it raises some suspicion between the staff around them sometimes.

Back then, it was easy for Jaehyun to ask Taeyong if he’d like to watch a drama with him, but always ends up with Taeyong sleeping halfway an episode and Jaehyun enjoying the fact that Taeyong lies across the couch with his head on Jaehyun’s lap and Jaehyun’s fingers combing through Taeyong’s hair.

But ever since he realized Taeyong would never probably feel the same way towards him, he stopped doing all those things carelessly. He feels scared, if he’s being honest. He thinks Taeyong might eventually figure out that Jaehyun has feelings for him and would distance himself from the younger because of that. No, he doesn’t want to lose Taeyong in any way.

But then as much as Jaehyun doesn’t ask for a second serving anymore whenever Taeyong cooks, Taeyong always makes sure to leave a portion for him after everybody has eaten because he knows Jaehyun still wants some. 

_ “I saved some more for you, Yuno. Here, let me put it on your plate.” _

Jaehyun, who doesn’t touch Taeyong anymore as he used to, is now showered by light touches, hand holding, half-embraces by his Taeyong hyung. 

_ “Come a little closer, Jaehyun-ah.” _

And Jaehyun, who had just started to get used to watching alone in his room is always visited by Taeyong, who sprawls himself all over Jaehyun’s bed, wanting to watch whatever’s on Jaehyun’s laptop too but dozing off moments later, resting against Jaehyun in whatever way possible.

_ “I want to watch this with you! Jung Yuno, why didn’t you call me over?” _

It’s a little harder for Jaehyun then to hide what he feels, but maybe he doesn’t have to, after all. He thinks Taeyong doesn’t really notice his cheeks blush up, nor his ears turn red, nor hear his heart beat a little faster than usual whenever he’s around. 

He’s too in love to let it show, all right. Too in love he’s that scared of what he’s doing might drive Taeyong away. But it doesn’t. Maybe he’s still a bit apprehensive to go all out, but he thinks Taeyong deserves to be shown love by Jaehyun everyday, too.

The instrumental starts and it makes Jaehyun feel a sudden rush of emotions inside of him. He sees Taeyong with his eyes closed still, but more tears are running down his face as he sways along to the sound of the guitar playing on stage.

He sees his hyung. His Taeyong hyung. Lee Taeyong. The only person he’s ever truly loved, looking broken, tired but still enjoying the ride waves in his life make him go through. He knows everything about Taeyong; his hopes, his dreams, his fears, what he believes in, what he disagrees with.

What he deserves.

Taeyong, who now has his left hand on his chest rolled into a fist as he’s deep into the song he seems to be relating to so much, deserves to be loved. To be understood. Jaehyun fails to grasp the reason why Taeyong doubts himself a lot when Jaehyun can see how perfect he is despite the flaws he thinks he has, but Jaehyun is willing to spend every second of his life just to prove to Taeyong that he’s perfect the way he is, to remind Taeyong that he’s doing well, that he’s far more than enough.

And so Jaehyun, at the peak of his emotions, takes Taeyong’s hand in his and intertwines them. 

Taeyong looks at him, surprised, but doesn’t pull his hand away.

The last few beats come, and the final words of the song are sung by the entire crowd.

_ “Lights will guide you home _

_ And ignite your bones” _

Jaehyun turns his head to Taeyong’s direction and finds the other looking at him, eyes glistening once again with tears when Jaehyun sings to him, both of them staring into each other’s gaze. 

“And I will try to fix you.”


End file.
